A little background about me : What happened before i took the decision to look for my other One ! before i decided i need to start dating, to have sex, to live !
I was around 14 or 15 when i got my first introduction to gay sex : i was mollested 2 times by my own brother, it started with dick massage, and finished by anal sex, both times.
That incident, which till now i still remember ever bit of details, enforced, if not made me at least think about what do i prefer/like : men or women.
Till now, i can't forgive my brother for what he did !
Our relation is strict: I smile when i need something from him, he smiles when he needs something from me.
On the other hand, whatever my older brother does, he is my dad's favorite and he is always right !
Whatever my younger brother does, he is my mom's favorite and he is always right ! Although at 20 years old, he still watches TIJI (yes the kids channel) like 5h/day !
So during my teenage years, i felt like i'm alone ! No one is there for me !
If i needed to cry, mom would give me 10 000 L.L., that's her way of telling you she loves you ! by giving you money !
between my birth and till i became around 16 years old, dad was almost never there, always travelling : he is like 2 months here, 7 months NOT here !
i really felt like i don't belong to this family ! Something is wrong !
It took me 4 years, a lot of thinking, a lot of looking at boys and girls in the streets, watching porn in private, reading about gays, bisexuals and straight people to come to the conclusion of What i am, what i want, why i want that,who to blame or not to blame.
Growing in lebanon for a gay man is like growing in a prison where you already know that you are sentenced to death if someone knows your sexual orientation !
My dad's view of gay men : they are sick, need to get some help ! need to be abolished from earth ! "Hayda 3amal l shitan".
My mom's view : "yosotofil ! " tfiiii ! "hayda mou3ak !"
When i was in my teens, my brothers got everything they want, and i was left with : "Next time habibi, now we can't afford it !"
The incident that i remember the most is on a christmas, mom got cataloges of Stereos and asked me and my older brother to choose which ones we want, my brother chose a 140$ one, i chose an 80$ one ! he got what he wanted " maybe he will behave better ", and i got "now i cant afford it, you'll get yours in 2 months !" and till now the 2 months isn't here yet
Part 2 soon
I was around 14 or 15 when i got my first introduction to gay sex : i was mollested 2 times by my own brother, it started with dick massage, and finished by anal sex, both times.
That incident, which till now i still remember ever bit of details, enforced, if not made me at least think about what do i prefer/like : men or women.
Till now, i can't forgive my brother for what he did !
Our relation is strict: I smile when i need something from him, he smiles when he needs something from me.
On the other hand, whatever my older brother does, he is my dad's favorite and he is always right !
Whatever my younger brother does, he is my mom's favorite and he is always right ! Although at 20 years old, he still watches TIJI (yes the kids channel) like 5h/day !
So during my teenage years, i felt like i'm alone ! No one is there for me !
If i needed to cry, mom would give me 10 000 L.L., that's her way of telling you she loves you ! by giving you money !
between my birth and till i became around 16 years old, dad was almost never there, always travelling : he is like 2 months here, 7 months NOT here !
i really felt like i don't belong to this family ! Something is wrong !
It took me 4 years, a lot of thinking, a lot of looking at boys and girls in the streets, watching porn in private, reading about gays, bisexuals and straight people to come to the conclusion of What i am, what i want, why i want that,who to blame or not to blame.
Growing in lebanon for a gay man is like growing in a prison where you already know that you are sentenced to death if someone knows your sexual orientation !
My dad's view of gay men : they are sick, need to get some help ! need to be abolished from earth ! "Hayda 3amal l shitan".
My mom's view : "yosotofil ! " tfiiii ! "hayda mou3ak !"
When i was in my teens, my brothers got everything they want, and i was left with : "Next time habibi, now we can't afford it !"
The incident that i remember the most is on a christmas, mom got cataloges of Stereos and asked me and my older brother to choose which ones we want, my brother chose a 140$ one, i chose an 80$ one ! he got what he wanted " maybe he will behave better ", and i got "now i cant afford it, you'll get yours in 2 months !" and till now the 2 months isn't here yet
Part 2 soon
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